Insignificantly Significant

I am in love with you 'Oh Insignificant One'. In love with you on a level that isnt superficial (well, sort of).  I am in love with who you are. The idea of you has captured my heart and soul. Yet, I feel as though I don't even know you . Who was this person that I am so deeply falling for?

Just as I have been keeping secrets from you, I feel you are doing the same. Up until now, you have not revealed your face to me. I have seen a few pictures here and there. And your voice I have not heard. Would I be presumptuous if I asked for such things considering I, too, have my own secrets I am hiding? Maybe you are waiting for just the right moment to ask. You do not seem to be one with many secrets. I could be wrong, considering you are not like the typical men I have come across.

"You need some sleep, you say?"
"Yes, I need to wake up in a few hours."

I don't want you to go but I couldn't tell you that. I knew you needed your rest. You did not sleep very much the night before because I kept you awake. "I just hope I will wake up." It was just then that my secret was defeated by my curiosity. I wanted to know! I longed to find out who you are. As I typed the words that'll change our relationship forever:

"Do you want me to give you a missed call?" My palms became so sweaty. Did I cross a boundary you did not want to?!! I hope I was not too forward.

continued.

I began to lose all measure of time during our conversations. Amidst the wise-crack remarks you and I threw at each other, my premature feelings grew. With each snare I fell in love with you more and more. I was never given this attention by anyone.

I loved it.
I even craved it.

It was an obsession, almost. There were nights that I stayed up thinking about you. I would think about my future with you and what it could be. I'd wonder about how you had changed my thoughts; how easily you were able to touch my heart. I knew not your voice and never did I meet you face to face. Was I truly in love? Did I just recite those words to get rid you--did I want to?

I squeezed my pillows tighter now. I smiled bigger. I pranced around the house humming the songs you sent me. I counted the seconds to get a message from you. I didn't care about my secret anymore. Selfish... no! Just sincerely in love with you.

Day 10- A Superficial Relationship

It's been exactly 10 days since we've met, aren't you bored yet? This relationship has gone on long enough. I am constantly on edge thinking about how to keep my horrid secret from you "What have you done? Do you know that you will end up getting hurt?"

This relationship is the true essence of what I was not. In today's world, one who enjoys the company of someone else does not push that person away. When a person enjoys the company of another, that person does everything in their power to make sure that that person continues to be in their life.

Forgive me for i am going to do the opposite of that!

The past few nights have been restless. I did everything right. I did not open up too much. I still hold my secret. It is still buried in that deep hole which is unreachable.

Then why do I feel this way? WHY DO I HAVE FEELINGS? Feelings, yes feelings?!!? I have feelings for you. 

continued.

Usually my secret is buried in a deep dark hole within myself. After-all, in the world I live in, its about appearance more than reality. Pretty hair, white smile, size 0 waist. I am everything but that.

I have a secret--one that no one would be able to reach, so I thought..

If I focus on burying it deeper and deeper within myself, maybe my secret will not be exposed. "Umm, I did mention that this relationship cannot be anything but superficial, right?"

continued.

In today's world you must be the person everyone wants you to be not who you truly are otherwise you will not make it very far. I did exactly that, for a while. 23 years and some. Whenever I meet someone new, I introduce myself as they would want me to introduce myself as. Making sure to omit every "ugly" detail out so that the person would be happy. So that this ineffectual person, can be pleased. So that this person does not have to deal with my lack of a ℽ-sarcoglycan.

"My name?" Does it truly matter. Our relationship will always be just superficial. "You can call me what ever you would like". After-all, it truly doesn't matter because its about your happiness not mine.

Intro-I have a secret..

I am not the girl I was several months ago.

I have a secret. A secret which I have shared by a few. A secret which is obvious. One who looks at me would not consider my secret such a secret but it defines me. It does not define me to what society today has written. Or does it? My secret is much more than that. My secret is not written and can not be seen. It is not told by society's misconception of me.

Several months ago I was a confident girl who knew where she was heading. I knew my future and all that was in it. I did not dare let anyone break down the stone walls that I have put up.  I needed these walls to protect me from today’s world and the people who were in it. If today’s world got  a hold of my secret I would be ruined.

I buried it deep so that no one would reach it. That’s what I thought

 

This is the emancipation of i, me if you think it sounds better...