Insignificantly Significant

I am in love with you 'Oh Insignificant One'. In love with you on a level that isnt superficial (well, sort of).  I am in love with who you are. The idea of you has captured my heart and soul. Yet, I feel as though I don't even know you . Who was this person that I am so deeply falling for?

Just as I have been keeping secrets from you, I feel you are doing the same. Up until now, you have not revealed your face to me. I have seen a few pictures here and there. And your voice I have not heard. Would I be presumptuous if I asked for such things considering I, too, have my own secrets I am hiding? Maybe you are waiting for just the right moment to ask. You do not seem to be one with many secrets. I could be wrong, considering you are not like the typical men I have come across.

"You need some sleep, you say?"
"Yes, I need to wake up in a few hours."

I don't want you to go but I couldn't tell you that. I knew you needed your rest. You did not sleep very much the night before because I kept you awake. "I just hope I will wake up." It was just then that my secret was defeated by my curiosity. I wanted to know! I longed to find out who you are. As I typed the words that'll change our relationship forever:

"Do you want me to give you a missed call?" My palms became so sweaty. Did I cross a boundary you did not want to?!! I hope I was not too forward.

continued.

I began to lose all measure of time during our conversations. Amidst the wise-crack remarks you and I threw at each other, my premature feelings grew. With each snare I fell in love with you more and more. I was never given this attention by anyone.

I loved it.
I even craved it.

It was an obsession, almost. There were nights that I stayed up thinking about you. I would think about my future with you and what it could be. I'd wonder about how you had changed my thoughts; how easily you were able to touch my heart. I knew not your voice and never did I meet you face to face. Was I truly in love? Did I just recite those words to get rid you--did I want to?

I squeezed my pillows tighter now. I smiled bigger. I pranced around the house humming the songs you sent me. I counted the seconds to get a message from you. I didn't care about my secret anymore. Selfish... no! Just sincerely in love with you.

continued.

The weight of my secret pressed against my chest like a cement boulder. Was I out of my mind to think that I could have done this? I allowed my feelings to overpower what I knew couldn't really be.  

I will continue this perfect fantasy until the time is appropriate and then we will part our ways. I will enjoy you as you will enjoy me (my perfect me). I know you will not stay if you knew the real me. Sooner or later you will. You must. I just pray that I do not hurt you in the mean time. 

The happiness that you have brought me within the past two weeks have been more than I deserve. I am nothing. A girl who has loads of uglies and a deep dark secret. Therefore, I am truly grateful Oh Insignificant One. 

continued.

I have a plan. One devised by the assistance of a "friend" to get rid of you. You are too good to be true and therefore, you must go. It will work. It must!

I am falling in love. In love with the idea of falling in love. In love with the person who loves me for the qualities that I am not. Dejavu huh!?! I refuse to have history rewrite itself on my account.

It may seem as though I am so eager to get rid of you. A part of me has gotten attached to you, Oh Insignificant One. You have come into my life as a breath of fresh air, giving me new ambitions and dreams. Utopia!

...hahaha Utopia!? If only I could, just.. No, I can't. You must go. Because I have a secret.