continued.

If I did not want to take the time to read the entire book, you suggested that I, at least take the time to watch the video. Why were you so persistent? And the title well, it just made my heart sink. You told me that although you did not believe in everything this book preached, that you were a strong believer in many of the laws. What could have Rhona Byrne say in this book that could have inspired you so much? 


I needed to find out. I am a huge book fan but I opted for the video version instead. I wanted answers. 


As I watched the first few moments, I became confused. It did not tell me much. It showed scenes of historical events of people which embraced this so-called "Power." For a minute, I was somewhat scared to continue watching because I felt as though it would go against my faith. They spoke of a great Power that almost seemed divine. It made me feel uncomfortable because I knew there was no power greater than that of the Almighty. I needed to finish watching this video, I told myself. 


Just before I was ready to throw in the towel and call it quits, "The Law of Attraction."  It all made sense. 

Insignificantly Significant

I am in love with you 'Oh Insignificant One'. In love with you on a level that isnt superficial (well, sort of).  I am in love with who you are. The idea of you has captured my heart and soul. Yet, I feel as though I don't even know you . Who was this person that I am so deeply falling for?

Just as I have been keeping secrets from you, I feel you are doing the same. Up until now, you have not revealed your face to me. I have seen a few pictures here and there. And your voice I have not heard. Would I be presumptuous if I asked for such things considering I, too, have my own secrets I am hiding? Maybe you are waiting for just the right moment to ask. You do not seem to be one with many secrets. I could be wrong, considering you are not like the typical men I have come across.

"You need some sleep, you say?"
"Yes, I need to wake up in a few hours."

I don't want you to go but I couldn't tell you that. I knew you needed your rest. You did not sleep very much the night before because I kept you awake. "I just hope I will wake up." It was just then that my secret was defeated by my curiosity. I wanted to know! I longed to find out who you are. As I typed the words that'll change our relationship forever:

"Do you want me to give you a missed call?" My palms became so sweaty. Did I cross a boundary you did not want to?!! I hope I was not too forward.

continued.

I began to lose all measure of time during our conversations. Amidst the wise-crack remarks you and I threw at each other, my premature feelings grew. With each snare I fell in love with you more and more. I was never given this attention by anyone.

I loved it.
I even craved it.

It was an obsession, almost. There were nights that I stayed up thinking about you. I would think about my future with you and what it could be. I'd wonder about how you had changed my thoughts; how easily you were able to touch my heart. I knew not your voice and never did I meet you face to face. Was I truly in love? Did I just recite those words to get rid you--did I want to?

I squeezed my pillows tighter now. I smiled bigger. I pranced around the house humming the songs you sent me. I counted the seconds to get a message from you. I didn't care about my secret anymore. Selfish... no! Just sincerely in love with you.

continued.

The weight of my secret pressed against my chest like a cement boulder. Was I out of my mind to think that I could have done this? I allowed my feelings to overpower what I knew couldn't really be.  

I will continue this perfect fantasy until the time is appropriate and then we will part our ways. I will enjoy you as you will enjoy me (my perfect me). I know you will not stay if you knew the real me. Sooner or later you will. You must. I just pray that I do not hurt you in the mean time. 

The happiness that you have brought me within the past two weeks have been more than I deserve. I am nothing. A girl who has loads of uglies and a deep dark secret. Therefore, I am truly grateful Oh Insignificant One. 

continued.

I have a plan. One devised by the assistance of a "friend" to get rid of you. You are too good to be true and therefore, you must go. It will work. It must!

I am falling in love. In love with the idea of falling in love. In love with the person who loves me for the qualities that I am not. Dejavu huh!?! I refuse to have history rewrite itself on my account.

It may seem as though I am so eager to get rid of you. A part of me has gotten attached to you, Oh Insignificant One. You have come into my life as a breath of fresh air, giving me new ambitions and dreams. Utopia!

...hahaha Utopia!? If only I could, just.. No, I can't. You must go. Because I have a secret.

Day 10- A Superficial Relationship

It's been exactly 10 days since we've met, aren't you bored yet? This relationship has gone on long enough. I am constantly on edge thinking about how to keep my horrid secret from you "What have you done? Do you know that you will end up getting hurt?"

This relationship is the true essence of what I was not. In today's world, one who enjoys the company of someone else does not push that person away. When a person enjoys the company of another, that person does everything in their power to make sure that that person continues to be in their life.

Forgive me for i am going to do the opposite of that!

The past few nights have been restless. I did everything right. I did not open up too much. I still hold my secret. It is still buried in that deep hole which is unreachable.

Then why do I feel this way? WHY DO I HAVE FEELINGS? Feelings, yes feelings?!!? I have feelings for you. 

continued.

Usually my secret is buried in a deep dark hole within myself. After-all, in the world I live in, its about appearance more than reality. Pretty hair, white smile, size 0 waist. I am everything but that.

I have a secret--one that no one would be able to reach, so I thought..

If I focus on burying it deeper and deeper within myself, maybe my secret will not be exposed. "Umm, I did mention that this relationship cannot be anything but superficial, right?"

continued.

I will proofread every thought and action I do in the presence of you, in hopes that you would look at me in a way that does not suggest I am less. I will hold back my secret as well as the uglies that come along with it. I will hide more and more of myself with you. And as our relationship grows you will know less and less about me, even though you may think opposite.

This is usually how it goes. Usually... 

I have a secret.

Intro-I have a secret..

I am not the girl I was several months ago.

I have a secret. A secret which I have shared by a few. A secret which is obvious. One who looks at me would not consider my secret such a secret but it defines me. It does not define me to what society today has written. Or does it? My secret is much more than that. My secret is not written and can not be seen. It is not told by society's misconception of me.

Several months ago I was a confident girl who knew where she was heading. I knew my future and all that was in it. I did not dare let anyone break down the stone walls that I have put up.  I needed these walls to protect me from today’s world and the people who were in it. If today’s world got  a hold of my secret I would be ruined.

I buried it deep so that no one would reach it. That’s what I thought

 

This is the emancipation of i, me if you think it sounds better...