continued.

If I did not want to take the time to read the entire book, you suggested that I, at least take the time to watch the video. Why were you so persistent? And the title well, it just made my heart sink. You told me that although you did not believe in everything this book preached, that you were a strong believer in many of the laws. What could have Rhona Byrne say in this book that could have inspired you so much? 


I needed to find out. I am a huge book fan but I opted for the video version instead. I wanted answers. 


As I watched the first few moments, I became confused. It did not tell me much. It showed scenes of historical events of people which embraced this so-called "Power." For a minute, I was somewhat scared to continue watching because I felt as though it would go against my faith. They spoke of a great Power that almost seemed divine. It made me feel uncomfortable because I knew there was no power greater than that of the Almighty. I needed to finish watching this video, I told myself. 


Just before I was ready to throw in the towel and call it quits, "The Law of Attraction."  It all made sense. 

continued.

Before I knew it, weeks had passed and we were inseparable. My secret would become the forefront every time I hid you from them. If there was any doubt in my mind or question about you noticing it, it was confirmed that morning in September.


We were having an intense conversation about our pasts. Books came up. Before mentioning a single thing you had warned me of something. "If I leave out something, its usually for a reason." Taken back i agreed to your strange request. You continued to explain how you have never read a book from cover to cover.  This took me by surprise because you seem to be very intellectual. You explained, however, that there was one particular "book" that had ultimately changed your life. It did this only after a few pages. I wanted so bad to know what was this book that had changed your life. 


Why did you mention it if you did not want to tell me the name of that book? I was determined to find out.


Even though you left me in the dark about this "book," you did suggest a book to me. this confirmed to me that you were on to me. You knew that I was hiding something. This was your way of telling me that, what ever it was that I was hiding... it didn't matter.


"I sent it to your email," you said. 
The title read: The Secret.

continued.

You were just giving me a taste of my own medicine. How dare you! I wondered when will be the next time I will hear your harmonious voice so that I may soothe my spirit. I did not want to push it. I figured I will enjoy the beautiful moments we were having.  


Our conversations suddenly became deeper and so did our emotions. I couldn't help but question why I desperately needed to conceal you from her. I just knew that with my secret I could not be doing what I was. I felt wrong. I felt like I have committed the ultimate transgression. 


I didn't care. I began to feel like my secret didn't matter as much.... sorta. Of course, my actions did not reflect this much.  I think you noticed. I had bigger things on my mind. Speaking to you on the phone made us official. You were officially attached and so was I. 


You were going to buy me 2 dresses as well as a Verragio© ring. I want a princess cut, I told you. My heart was set, it didn't matter what they thought. It didn't make a difference who I was, or that....

I was the girl with the secret.

continued.

After hearing your voice for the first time I was soo over the moon that I suddenly became speechless. Before I could breath another word, she walked in. I frantically needed to hide what I was doing. I could not before to have a soul find out about you. They wouldn't understand. She, especially, wouldn't understand. I had a secret remember.

A secret.

Soon as my reality came crushing down, she was gone; and so were you. You hung up. I wish you would have waited a few minutes more. I really did want to speak to you. To actually have a conversation beyond a greeting. I wanted tonight to be that night. I picked up my phone and started dialing..

0614.. Ring! Ring! Ring! Why are you not answering me? I wonder if you didn't like my voice after all. You were playing with me, and I wanted to know why.

The Beginning: The Secret

My heart skipped a beat for sure. You were true. Everything about you was real. And I was speechless. Hearing your voice, brought new feelings. I felt even more happy than I was before. It brought a sense of safeness.

In my head I knew that you said hello in Arabic but, was I supposed to say the same thing back? If I spoke in English, would you think that I am an incompetent Arab-American?

For most people, first impressions mattered. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I didn’t want to ruin what we had. Whatever it is. Hello! That’s what I will say. Mmm. Scratch Hello. Hi? Do I introduce myself?

I have to say something before you hang up.

“Heeehee… helloooo,” I giggled.

Oh no! What did I do? You must think I’m an idiot, I thought. Why, did I open my mouth? I will just listen.

continued.

I know I am not who you think I am but I really would like to indulge in my fantasy for a while before reality strikes again. Trust me it would be long before that happens.  When I talk to you it’s as if I am a totally different person… blah blah blah…

So I’ve already mentioned that before right.. I know I have been going on and on about my feelings for you. This is my only place of release. How dare I tell a soul about you! I would be so selfish. Oh, and my friends, wellllll… they’ll either think that I am crazy or on the rebound.

I wonder why you are such a jerk to me. Could it be that you really like me and you are just acting like a childish schoolboy who picks on his classmate because he’s got a crush on her? Maybe you are a jerk and I really am attracted to that type.  I didn’t know I had a type.

Even though I do believe that it was meant for you to not have answered my call last night, a part of me wishes I knew the sound of your voice.  Forward or not I am just going to do it. I mean, isn’t rejection what I am looking for?

“What do you sound like, can I hear your voice?”

It was then that those mixed feelings came back. You kept going around the question. I was persistent. I didn’t care that I was being selfish.  I knew you didn’t want to. I felt it.

Finally, my phone rang. “Unknown” was calling. It was you!

“Marhaba.”

continued.

When you did not mention it, I knew for sure that you were not ready to take that next step. I was forward after-all. I couldn't help but wonder, however, if you had a secret too. 

"Why didn't you answer my call?" I blurted out on the impulse.

"You didn't call me."

I was confused. I knew I had put in all the numbers correctly because I double-checked each digit so that I may not miss a number. I told you I had called the number you gave me. How was it possible that it did not go through? 

After a great deal of bickering back and forth, you told me that you missed a number. The number you had given me the night before was wrong. I sighed a sigh of relief but I wasn't sure why. It wasn't that you didn't want to talk to me. I smiled.